The Accident
A short story by
Vernon Mortensen
Copyright 2006 ©
"Boy this is gonna hurt." I remember thinking to myself just moments before my car hit the tree. Not, "I'm gonna miss my beautiful wife or I'm gonna miss my job." No, all I could muster was "Boy, this is gonna hurt." My life didn't even flash before my eyes.
My Jaguar hit the tree at 50 miles per hour. The windshield exploded sending tiny sharp missiles flying everywhere. The hood caved in and I was tossed about like a rag doll.
When I came to, I was lying in a hospital bed covered in bandages, my head pounding like a base drum. I was lucky to be alive. The doctors told me that if it hadn't been for my seatbelt, I wouldn't be alive today.
"Well Harry, you have a mild concussion and a broken leg. Other than a few minor cuts and bruises, I'd say you were pretty lucky." The doctor flipped through my chart, never really looking directly at me. "We should be able to discharge you tomorrow."
The whole speech sounded rehearsed, like I heard it in a movie, or read it in a book.
"Great." I said half-heartedly.
"You'll probably be in that cast for a few months, but I don't think there will be any permanent damage."
"Why is my vision so fuzzy and what about this headache?"
"Well," the doctor finally looked me in the eyes, "you did bang your head up. The headache should go away in a few days. As for your vision, it could be from the concussion. We'll send you to see a neurologist in a few days."
"Great."
My head hurt and I could barely make things out.
When they discharged me, my wife, Silvia, took over like an over protective mother hen. She fussed and coddled and drove me nuts.
"Anything you need baby, just ring the bell." She had taken the next few days off to care for me, and had left a little silver bell on a wooden handle next to our bed. I loved my wife but things had cooled off a little after 23 years of marriage. "I'll be downstairs in the office."
"Thank you, baby."
She left me alone. I picked up the remote and turned on CNN. I don't know if I can take a few months of this.
I'm a little thirsty. Where's that bell?
***
Sitting at home was driving me nuts! I had watched TV until my eyes had bugged out of my head. The law firm had sent over some paperwork for me to go over, but I was a partner, and hated doing grunt work. Of course, after years as a "success hungry" lawyer, something strange had happened to me. I didn't feel like being in front of a jury, or maneuvering in for the kill. Once I had made partner, I had kind of checked out. I didn't take cases, I didn't go to court. I just went to fundraisers and hung out with people I really didn't like.
It had been a couple weeks already and I was up hobbling around on crutches. Silvia would come home to find me half way into some major remodeling project that I would inevitably abandon before it was completed.
That night Silvia suggested that she drop me off at the mall on her way to work.
"It'll do you good to be around people again."
Of course I protested, but relented in the end. All I knew was I couldn't take one more day at home by myself.
***
Silvia dropped me off at the Westfield mall down the street from her office. It was way too early for the shops to be open, but I found a Starbucks and ordered a venti latte and a cheese Danish. I found a nice little bench in the middle of the mall, and started to plan my day. Maybe I'd go to the book store when it opened at nine. I could burn a couple of hours there. Then I would go over to the Circuit City and watch some TV. The theater started showing movies at 11 a.m., so I could swing by on my way to the bookstore and check to see what was playing.
"I'm not wearing underpants."
I was a little startled as I turned to see a kid, about 16 or 17, sitting on the bench next to me.
"Excuse me?"
The kid smiled and said again, "I'm not wearing any underpants." It quickly became obvious to me that the boy had Down's Syndrome. I saw the telltale round eyes, and charming naïve stare of a child with Downs Syndrome. He was short, pudgy, and looked kind of ridiculous in his 1980's Battlestar Gallactica t-shirt and corduroy pants.
"Wow, that's great." What else could I say?
"I don't wear underpants because I like to feel free down there. Are you wearing underpants?"
I looked at the kid for a second, and then looked around at the nearly empty mall.
"Uh, yeah, I am wearing underpants."
"Boxers or tighty whities?"
I stared at the kid, not quite believing that I was actually formulating a response.
"Boxers. I wear boxers."
"I guess if I had to wear underpants, I'd wear boxers too. They give you more room."
"Yeah, I guess they do."
"It's too bad about the K-Mart."
"What?"
"They just closed the K-Mart across the street."
"Yeah, I know. Where ever there's a Wal-Mart, there are other stores closing."
"I like Wal-Mart. Is that where you buy your underpants?"
'Uh, actually my wife buys my… she does the shopping for me." I looked down at my watch and saw that the bookstore would be opening soon. "Hey, it was nice to meet you."
"Yosarian, my name's Yosarian."
"Ok, Yosarian, but I have to go now."
"What's your name?"
I looked at the kid contemplating if I should lie or not. "My name is Harry."
"Nice to meet you, Harry. What's wrong with your leg?"
"Nice to meet you too, Yosarian. I broke it in a car accident."
"I wish I could drive."
"Bye now." I hobbled off in the general direction of the book store.
"Nice to meet you too, Harry," the kid called after me.
I navigated my way to the movie theater and picked a new independent film from France that seemed like it might be interesting. I had a few hours, so I adjusted my crutches and headed over to the bookstore.
***
The bookstore wore out its appeal faster than I had anticipated. The clerks seemed to get annoyed if you sat down and started reading the books without paying for them first. I actually did buy a book, but then immediately regretted the purchase. I was walking through the mall, trying to hold my bag and operate my crutches, debating weather or not to return the book when I saw the wall of TVs in the window at the Circuit City.
I sat in a row of benches and chairs directly opposite the wall of TV's. They were playing one of my favorite movies, The Outlaw Jose Wales.
I became engrossed in the movie, even without the sound. Clint Eastwood had always been one of my favorites, and Jose Wales was his best ever character; tough, and unrelenting. I had been that type of lawyer before it had all started to mean nothing to me.
"What are we watching?"
I looked over. It was Yosarian.
I turned back to the TV. "It's The Outlaw Jose Wales."
"That man looks like Dirty Harry."
"It's the same actor, Clint Eastwood."
"I know that. I'm not retarded."
"I didn't mean to imply…"
"Gotcha." Yosarian laughed out loud. "I know who Clint Eastwood is."
"Yeah, that's pretty funny, Yosarian."
"I would love to be a cowboy, how about you?"
"Yeah, that would be a good job, but maybe I could be an actor playing a cowboy. I think that would be even better."
"What kind of job do you have?"
"I'm a lawyer."
"What kind of car did you crash?"
"It was a Jaguar."
"My mom told me that my dad has a Camaro."
I nodded approval. "Camaro's a good car. Fast."
"Yup, that's what Mom says too."
"Do you live with your mom?
"No, I live in a big house with lots of other kids who have Downs."
"They just drop you guys off here, huh?"
"Do you have a girlfriend?"
"I have a wife. She dropped me off here."
"Did she drive the Jaguar?"
Ouch, that kind of hurt. "No, the Jag is history; a big pile of junk and broken glass."
"That's too bad."
My favorite scene was coming up. "All right, be quiet. This is the best part."
"What part?"
I watched closely, mouthing the words along with the movie.
"There comes a time when you have to get mean, I mean just plain mad dog mean."
Yosarian watched me in awe. He couldn't believe I knew the lines.
"The dead only know one thing, and that is that it is better to be alive!"
"Wow, your really good. You really could be an actor playing a cowboy."
I was flattered. I looked at my watch. "Yosarian, would you like to see a movie?"
"I'm sorry, they don't give me money." He looked devastated.
"My treat."
"All right! Let's see Space Pirates!"
"No, we're gonna see All Through the Night. It's from France."
"France sucks! Let's see Space Pirates."
***
I actually had a really good time at Space Pirates. There were lasers, explosions, and half-naked girls. It had been a long time since I had that much fun at a movie. Yosarian had a great time too, until he started to panic, spilling popcorn and soda all over the seats.
"I'm late, I'm late." he said as he ran for the exit.
"Hey, it's not over yet!" I called out after him.
"Thanks for the movie, mister!"
And then he was gone.
I watched the last ten minutes of the movie by myself. There wasn't another soul in the theatre.
***
I was quiet all the way home and as Silvia pulled her station wagon into the garage, I said, "I think I'd like to go to the mall again tomorrow."
"Okay." She said, surprised to hear me say that. "What did you do all day?"
"I bought a book and saw Space Pirates."
"You saw what?"
***
Yosarian and I were walking through the Wal-Mart. We were looking through the new releases in the DVD aisle trying to find Space Pirates. Try as I might, I could not convince Yosarian that Space Pirates would not be available on DVD yet, after all it was still in theaters. Yosarian insisted, however, so I was holding him by the ankles as he hung head first into an oversized movie bin, trying to reach the bottom.
"Almost got it!"
"All right but hurry up." I said as I looked around sheepishly.
A woman pushing a cart and towing her eight year old girl behind her stared at us as if we were from another planet.
I nodded at her. "Hi, how ya doing?"
She hurried past, judging me with her eyes.
"Got it!"
"What? That's impossible."
I hoisted him out of the bin, his face red from hanging upside down.
"See, told ya."
"Well, I'll be…" Sure enough, Yosarian was holding a DVD with the title Space Pirates written across the top.
"Let me see that."
I took it from him and examined it closely.
"Hey, this is a cartoon. This came out years ago."
"I told you they had Space Pirates, now pay up."
"This doesn't count. It's not the same movie!"
"Pay up, Harry."
Bested by the handicapped, that's where I find myself nowadays.
"All right, let's go." I opened my wallet and handed him the money to pay for the movie. "I still think you cheated."
Yosarian just smiled as he pulled open his waistband and stuffed the movie into his crotch.
I freaked out, grabbing him by the arm, and leading him off to the side. "What the hell are you doing?" I said in an excited voice.
"You said yourself, Wal-Mart is bad. It forces good people to lose their businesses."
I was speaking philosophically, Yosarian. That was just me talking. It wasn't an endorsement for shoplifting.
"But if Wal-Mart is bad, then stealing from them is okay."
"Jesus, that's not what I meant at all. Stealing is a crime. Crime is never the right thing to do."
"Wait, you said, that if you ever had a chance to hurt the big wigs like Wal-Mart, you'd take it. We'll, here's your chance."
"It's not right!"
"What they do to people is not right, either."
Wow, I couldn't believe what I was doing, but before you know it, I had found a movie I liked and had stuffed it down the front of my pants.
"Oh my God! Hurry up. Let's get out of here."
***
The Police Officer shook his head disapprovingly as he filled out the report. Yosarian and I were sitting on a dingy couch in the Wal-Mart security office.
"So, do you and your wife have kids?" asked Yosarian.
"I don't feel like talking right now, Yosarian. We are in big, big trouble."
"Why don't you go to work anymore?"
I sat on the couch, terrified and furious with myself. How could I have been so stupid? My license to practice law, my career, everything was in jeopardy now.
"I can't drive anymore, Yosarian. My vision is all fuzzy."
"Because of the accident?"
"Yes, now let me think for a moment."
I watched as the Wal-Mart Security Chief entered through the only door in the tiny, dismal room, walked passed the policeman, and handed me a cell phone.
Oh God!
"This is for you, Mr. McCormick." I cradled the phone up to my ear.
"Hello?"
"Harry, its Chuck. Jesus, man, what the hell were you thinking?"
Great, it's Chuck Thomas, one of the senior partners from my law firm.
"Yeah, I think it's all some sort of misunderstanding, that's all."
The Police Officer and Security Chief both chuckled as the watched video footage of me stuffing the DVD into my pants.
The cop pointed at the black and white monitor. "Wait, back it up. That's my favorite part!"
The image of me committing a crime was paused and then rewound to the exact moment I stuffed the movie in my pants.
The policeman sneered, "Yup, looks like a misunderstanding to me."
They both laughed as I ignored them and turned away.
"You gotta get me out of this, Chuck!"
"Harry, don't talk to anyone. I'll make some calls and see what I can do. Don't go anywhere!"
I looked at the cop and the security officer. Where the hell was I gonna go?
"Okay, Chuck. I appreciate it."
I ended the call.
Yosarian hadn't taken his eyes off me yet. "So, you don't work anymore?"
"I may not have a job to go back to, after this. This is a very serious thing, Yosarian. I can't believe I let you talk me into this."
"I wish I had a job. Once the people who take care of me let me help out at the zoo. That was the best day of my life. I would want to work at the zoo."
I just sat there, my mind racing. What was the best strategy for dealing with this? I looked up at the policeman. "I need to use the bathroom."
The cop looked over at the Security Chief. "All right, follow me, Mr. McCormick."
I followed the man down the hallway where he stopped at a door and pointed. "I'll just wait out here 'til you're done."
I thanked him and went through the door. Damn, no window! I sat on the toilet for what seemed an eternity, desperately trying to figure a way out of this mess. If I did go before a judge, I might just get a slap on the wrist. It was my first criminal offense…. ever.
There was a knock at the door. "Come, on Mr. McCormick."
I flushed the toilet, washed my hands and followed the man back into his office.
When I got there, Yosarian was gone.
The policeman turned to face me as I entered the room. "Well, Mr. McCormick. We've gotten this whole thing straightened out. The kid admitted to tricking you into committing this crime."
I was dumbfounded. "What?"
"Your little friend there admitted to tricking you."
"You're kidding, right? You have a video tape!"
The cop looked at the Security Chief. "Could you excuse us for a second?"
"Sure thing." The man stepped into the hallway outside.
"Look, Mr. McCormick, I don't know who you are or who you know, but two minutes after the kid confessed I got a call from my captain telling me to make this all go away. The kid confessed. Here's his statement, read it yourself."
I snatched the paper away and started to read. Sure enough, Yosarian had confessed to tricking me into helping him shoplift. It was so ludicrous it almost made me laugh; almost.
I handed the report back to the officer. "And you believed him?"
"Look, his kind never gets punished anyway. Hell, the kid's been caught shoplifting more times than I can count. This works for everyone. It's a good thing. Let it go."
Just then the door opened and Silvia rushed through.
***
"I can't believe it. My husband, a grown man, a man with a successful law practice and responsibilities, is a shoplifter."
I sat silently in the passenger's side seat, staring at the road ahead.
"Why? What is wrong with you lately? Ever since the accident you have been acting a little nuts!"
I just sat there. What could I say?
"Unbelievable!" She was crying.
***
When I got home, I called around trying to find out if Yosarian was alright. There was a police report, but the address listed in it was the mall's address. I did an internet search for places that serve kids like Yosarian, in and around the mall. I had just one lead.
The next day was a Saturday, and I convinced, more like cajoled, Silvia into taking me to the assisted living community first thing in the morning, hoping that I would catch Yosarian before he went to the mall. I wanted to sit down with him and his caregivers and apologize for my behavior.
I did not find Yosarian, but I found the administrator, Ms. Baxter, and she was willing to talk to me.
I sat in her office, my crutches leaning against her desk, feeling like a heel, and explained to her the situation.
She smiled at me, "Mr. McCormick, his name isn't Yosarian."
"What? What do you mean?"
"His name is Richard. Yosarian is a character in Meerkat Manor, a TV show the kids watch on the Discovery Channel. Yosarian is always getting into trouble and causing problems for the rest of the little meerkats. We've taken to calling Richard "Yosarian" because he's always getting into trouble."
I was a little stunned, but none the less… "I don't care what his name is. He did something for me… you see… no one has ever done anything like that for me before, not that I've been in trouble a lot, but you get my point, don't you?"
"Yes, I do, Mr. McCormick." She seemed the kind of woman who was unflappable. She probably had to be in her line of work. "Honestly, Richard would have probably shoplifted that movie had you been with him or not. That's kind of his trademark. In fact, because of the incident the other day, Child Services is convening a review board to address Richard's numerous probationary violations. He may be transferred to Juvenile Hall until he's 18.
My heart sank. I could not be the cause of this.
Ms. Baxter read my face. "Mr. McCormick, I love Richard, but he has always been a bit of a handful. The other day marked his thirteenth shoplifting incident. He's a lovable, joyful boy, but he has problems."
I thanked Ms. Baxter, collected my crutches, and left her office with my head hung low.
"What happened?" Silvia had been waiting patiently for me in the lobby.
"I need you to drop me off at the mall."
***
Silvia had protested at first, but she saw how serious I was, and she eventually gave into my request.
I found Yosarian… I mean Richard, in the food court; sitting at a table with some other kids from his home.
"What's up, Harry?"
"Hey… Yosarian, how are you?"
"I'm good. Come sit with us. This is my friend Andrew and my girlfriend Patty."
Patty acted indignant and socked Richard in the arm. "Am not!" She giggled wildly and turned to look at me, smiling.
Andrew laughed, then turned to me and said, "Are we going to see Space Pirates, Harry?"
I gingerly lowered myself into the empty seat next to Richard. "So, Yosarian, I was kind of hoping we could talk, in private?"
"I don't want to talk right now. Let's go watch TV at the Circuit City."
The others announced their approval in unison.
"Come on man. Let's just talk about what happened the other day. I need to talk about the other day."
"Harry, I don't want to talk about that, but if you come with us, you can talk all you want while we walk."
"I don't want to watch TV, guys."
"No, not TV, let's do something else. Come on."
He got up, followed by Andrew and Patty. They started walking away, so I tucked my crutches under each arm and followed. Patty grabbed Richard's hand, and leaned her head on his shoulder.
"So, Yosarian, I was thinking that if you wanted me to, I could write you a statement, to help you with the review board."
"What review board?" asked Patty, sounding a little concerned.
Richard stopped, and turned around glaring at me. "It's nothing. Shut up, Harry."
"I just want to help."
Richard's mood became jovial again. "Okay, you wanna do something for me?"
"Sure," I shrugged in defeat, "what can I do for you?"
***
"Now, what am I doing again?"
"You get in the cart and we push you around a little." Richard motioned to the shopping cart Andrew was wheeling over to us.
I looked around the Wal-Mart parking lot. "That's probably not such a good idea, Yosarian, we aren't exactly welcome here anymore."
"Look, you said you would do this for me."
"Yeah, but I just don't see how me riding around in a shopping cart is gonna help."
"Oh, it's gonna be fun." giggled Patty.
"Yeah, I bet it is." I said, not quite believing what was about to happen next. For the second time in two days I found myself throwing caution to the wind and taking instructions from a 16 year old boy with Down's Syndrome. I climbed into the cart, cautiously balancing my cast on the plastic edge, and sat facing the front of the cart. "Shouldn't I have a helmet or something?"
Richard was pushing the cart now.
"Please, Yosarian, go slow."
Richard leaned in and whispered in my ear, "Hang on Harry, this is the best part."
Richard abruptly turned the cart and started pushing it towards a nearby staircase. The long set of stairs led down the grassy, sloping side of the parking lot, to the sidewalk and street below. He pushed harder and the cart was beginning to gain some serious speed.
"Slow down Yosarian." I shouted, "You're gonna kill me!"
"Just go with it, Harry!"
And with one last powerful push, Richard sent the cart hurtling towards the stairs. I was terrified. My skin turned pale and my eyes grew to the size of saucers. By the time the cart hit the stairs, my heart was pounding so hard it was about to leap out of my chest. The cart launched off the top stair, sailing through the air like some prehistoric bird that was never meant to take flight. I looked out over the hillside and could see the traffic on the street below.
I lost altitude quickly, plummeting like a rock, landing smack dab in the middle of the street. The cart spilled over, tossing me out into oncoming traffic. Cars swerved to avoid hitting me. Horns blared, and tires screeched, as car after gigantic car zigzagged past me.
"You idiot!" an angry driver screamed from a Ford Explorer that narrowly missed squashing my head like a ripe tomato.
I stood up, instantly, not in the least bit concerned about any injuries. Instead I quickly plotted the fastest route to the sidewalk and took it at full speed, my cast clunking on the ground as I hobbled furiously.
When I reached the sidewalk I leaned over, my hands on my hips while my stomach and heart caught up to me. I was breathing so hard I started to see black spots.
When I finally settled down, I looked up to the top of the stairs to see Richard, Patty and Andrew laughing themselves into tears.
"Are you crazy?" I screamed. I tried to take a step but my one good leg felt like a wet noodle. I almost staggered back into traffic. "You're crazy, you know that!"
I watched the trio run away, holding their sides from laughing so hard.
I wanted to chase after them but I was in no shape for that nonsense. As I walked, correction, as I wobbled to the top of the stairs, I saw them reach the mall entrance. Richard turned around and shouted "Good night, Harry." Patty opened the glass door and they all disappear into the mall.
That's when I noticed… my vision was back.
***
I swung open the door to my house and limped my way into the living room. Silvia was on the couch, reading, and she jumped up when she saw me.
"How'd you get home? What the hell happened to you?"
"Never mind." I grabbed her roughly, held her in my arms and kissed her until her knees buckled.
"Oh, my." She moaned.
"I love you Silvia. I don't say it enough, but I do love you more that anything in the world!"
***
I shuffled into the conference room carrying my black leather briefcase in one hand as I expertly operated my crutches. I was dressed in my finest "super star" lawyer's suit, the left leg split open to accommodate my bulky cast.
There, seated around the oval conference table, were the members of the Child Services review board. As I walked in, I noticed I had suddenly become the center of attention. Richard was seated at the far end of the table. He seemed genuinely surprised to see me, as did Ms. Baxter who was seated next to him.
"I'm sorry, sir, but this is a private hearing." said the woman in charge of the review board.
"I know, I'm here as counsel for Richard."
"I'm sorry, Mr…"
"Harry McCormick."
"Yes, well I'm sorry Mr. McCormick, but I was not aware that Richard had retained counsel."
"Yes, he has." I sat down next to Richard, who was now grinning from ear to ear. "I'm sorry I'm late."
"That's okay. Sorry about the other night. Are you alright?"
The board room was quiet.
"Yosarian, I've never been better."
One of the board members asked, "Who's Yosarian?"
"He's my friend." I declared and then leaned over to whisper in Richard's ear, "Guess what?"
"What?" Richard beamed.
"I'm not wearing underpants."
*** For my beautiful wife, Kelly***